I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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