Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
