I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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