I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize