Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Randomize
