I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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