Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
