Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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