stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
