How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
