you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize