I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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