i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
