Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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