Where is the hickey?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
And then he peed in my hair
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
