drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
