Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
