im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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