can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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