Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
