Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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