It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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