i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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