You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize