The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
