That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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