Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
