Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
