that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
