his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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