A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
