we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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