she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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