I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
They are going to name an STD after you.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
