YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
