Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
