I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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