I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
