was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
