I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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