It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
