1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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