I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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