sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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