Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
