Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
