I'm jealous of your bromance
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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