She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
