I can tuck mytits in my pants
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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