Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize