I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
