Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
