you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
