no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
