Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
