Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
