North Korea, Best Korea!
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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