forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
