Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
