I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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