The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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