this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
