Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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