I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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