Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
everyone is single if you try hard enough
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
