I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I love having hate sex.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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