Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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