I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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